| | Current Music: | They Might Be Giants - Particle Man | | Time: | 11:25 am |
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What a crazy last week! The processing of Indian visas changed in the last year more than I anticipated and the thing actually takes longer than it once did, so in a day's notice me and James had to fly to Toronto and stay with my sister to expedite the visa process so we can still go to India.
India is 4 days away... 4 days! Me and Ashley are getting very nervous as it is coming so close. We've been planning this for over three years now and it's finally coming together! So many expectations are held within and after India. We've never traveled together so it's a very new experience for us in that way. I think we both hope and believe it will an important bonding experience for us, both as a friends and lovers. I can't wait to explore south India with her! I can't believe in a week we'll be in Hampi (hopefully), exploring the ruins.. so exciting! | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | Alessi's Ark - Constellations | | Subject: | Me | | Time: | 11:16 pm |
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| India is coming very close and James now has two tiny little teeth! Me and Ashley are doing really good and working on things together and more than ever we really do feel like a team, a couple soon to be married.
Winnipeg is dipping into the minuses now while southern India is still holding strong in the low 30's... getting more and more appealing :) I've always felt at home in warmer climes so I'm obviously very ecstatic to get a month to experience them to their fullest. Less than 3 weeks now!
James is making more and more progress every day and some big milestones have been passed of late. Two little nubs have broken the skin in this mouth so he can now chomp down with purpose when he's sucking on my nose! He's now sitting (mostly), he's whining when we take something from him and he's starting to like snuggling for comfort at night. I love him so much!
Me and Ashley are continuing to grow together as a couple. We're trying to get better and better at giving and sharing energy with each other and not creating imbalances that lead to negative situations. I think we are really making great progress in this respect. The prospect of finally switching from apartment to house also really appeals to us, I really hope we get the place. I love her more than anything and I'm so excited to finally go on an adventure together!
Pictures:
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| | Current Music: | Anoushka Shankar - Mahadeva | | Time: | 12:46 am |
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| I was listening to a Richard Dawkins vs. John Lennox debate on google video and it inspired me to write down a few things on the subject. On one hand you have Richard Dawkins, pretty much the hottest atheist thinker of the moment and John Lennox, one of hottest theist thinkers around, and as with all of these debates I found many common problem with both sides of the debate. On one hand you have Dawkins, who says, 'I know God does not exist' and then Lennox who says 'I know God does exist' and they always get stuck on each other because when it comes down to it they both admit that they don't have any better reason to believe or disbelieve their stance. I often find this with most debates vs. theists. People seem to believe that you are either one or the other, but in my mind the strongest debaters are those who are neither theists or atheists. I think atheists just muddle the debate for the rest of us. The real valid issue Dawkins has is that there is a real difference between him in Lennox, Lennox is not just a theist but a Christian. This is his weakness, but he can only win on those grounds.
Dawkins: 'God does not exist'
Lennox: 'You can't possibly know that'
Dawkins:"You can't possibly know that God does exist'
Lennox: "True but you can't disprove it either'
This is where they both tangle each other and come out on equal grounds. This is where the Christians think they've at the very worst come out even and reduced that evil scientist to the same grounds that they are. However, if Dawkins was not an atheist but simply had no belief at all, he would have two up instead of one up, one because he does not claim to know the unknowable, but also because there is a significant difference between them, and that's that Lennox not only believes that there is a God but that he believes he can know the nature of this God and extract real objective morals from its nature. This is where Dawkins has the advantage because while it is true they both hold beliefs beyond proof, Dawkins for the most part does not believe that he can know the nature of the universe beyond sense-experience while Lennox does. This is where being a Christian and not a theist is a disadvantage, because you can not possibly be a Christian and a relativist at the same time. If you are a Christian you claim to not only have faith that there is a God but that he is a male that has white hair, dislikes homosexuals and different types of fabrics mixed together, created an angel named Michael who he hangs out with, has a son named Jesus and has a bad temper (in the old testament at least). If God is beyond proof then these things can not be known, only believed. The difference is that Christianity claims to know about that intangible, a priori, noumenal aspect of existence and its links with ours while basic atheism and theism do not. That's what I wanted to get off my chest to myself. That you have levels of attempts at objective knowledge and that for me, the most intelligent is one often not represented in any formal, cosmological debate.
Strongest -> No belief in god(s) or no god(s) - Belief in a god(s) or no god(s) - Belief in objective knowledge about god(s) or no god(s) <-Weakest
Time and time again I find atheists getting mucked up and it annoys me.. just drop the assertion that you can know there is no god! Then you are ahead of them on all accounts because you do not claim to know if there is a god or not and you don't claim you can know that he sometimes comes to Earth in human form and has literal sweaty wrestling matches with prophets for entertainment. I don't know... Richard Dawkins just annoys me on that account. I wish many people didn't think he's the best we can do, because he isn't. If you're going to go some of the way, go all of the way. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| All of the wait is almost over - we're going to India soon!
We're going to India in 40 days.. it's coming very close and we're very excited. We've put a lot of time and effort into this and we'll finally get to see it come to fruition! Because of the short time I want to plan things a little more closely than last time, which was largely open-ended.
First we're going to Mumbai, 18+ million people etc. but we aren't staying too long.
Then we're going to Hampi, a ruined kingdom in a really auspicious boulder landscape... I've been there before so I know it's really magical.
And then Gokarna, a temple/beach town that covers the obligatory Hindu holy town and also fulfills our (mostly Ashley's) need to see a palm tree lined tropical beach.
After a couple of stopovers and whatnot we'll end up in Cochin, our next destination. I doubt we'll stay long but it promises it to be a nice
India city that's not so touristy and balances a 'real' Indian experience with some sites like an old fort and some boats.
Next is Alleppey, an entrance to the famed Keralan backwaters. We're going to rent a houseboat and a have a romantic night under the stars!
And lastly (most likely) is Periyar wildlife sanctuary, a really popular wildlife sanctuary with over 1000 elephants and 50 tigers. We're almost assured to spot an elephant family so long as we are diligent enough. I think we'll do some sort of guided a hike through the jungles.
It should be great. It's all in South India because it's a really good time to go, as the rain season is just ending and you have highs of 32 every day with lows of 22... much better than Winnipeg :) I hope it'll be really nice for us, and a really memorable bonding experience. We've been caught in the rush of starting a family and learning how live 'normal' adult lives that it gives us a chance to have fun in a way we haven't had much of a chance to, a honeymoon of sorts. I really can't wait to experience it with her! i know it'll be a big challenge, especially for Ashley but I really think it'll be so very memorable and unforgettable.
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| She took James after she got off from work from a new job AND didn't expect me to do any work
She shared a positive attitude with me today in spite of negative emotions
She wanted to watch a political movie even though she usually doesn't like them
She was happy and thankful that I cleaned our room
She fought through he sore neck and foot
She gave me kisses today
She went shopping for our family without me and was very selfless about it
She did good at her mom's with foods and got some good exercise too
And... she was quick to change her mood when I made a mistake and then corrected it.
I love my baby, Ashley!!!!!
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| | Current Music: | Galaktlan - Laanetaguse | | Time: | 10:29 am |
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| Being such a music snob (70,000+ songs now!) I'm always reminded by how lucky I am to be with someone who really likes music like I do. We don't see eye to eye on everything (I don't feel that Garm is that hot, too much facial hair!), but many of our favourite artists are shared and we always maintain a healthy egoless relationship of sharing/discovering music together. I couldn't imagine being with someone who doesn't like music like I do, it's just such a deep and in many ways spiritual connection, music is. If feelings and places that I feel and experience beyond words can't be shared then it's just an empty facade of a connection, and I could never myself at all satisfied. Especially Current 93, that was a must going into the relationship. She HAD to like, or at least do a really good job lying about her like for David Tibet's works, but as it turned out she fell absolutely in love with the music and that has made our connection that much stronger and more significant. I don't know I could've handled living my life with someone who wasn't penetrated by his mind and heart. I always feel it's important to feel these things and reflect on what is so important to you about the person you love... I could never take what we share for granted so it's so very important to make these posts.
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| | Current Music: | Rockettothesky - To Where It Sucked Out From | | Subject: | Busy... | | Time: | 06:40 pm |
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| Life has been so busy lately. We've been trying to make the best of the summer and get out when we can but it's so challenging with a baby! So far all we've managed is a trip to the beach and a lake of the woods cruise in Kenora.. It's really nice when we can get out and away from James and spend some time together, if only for a short amount of time! James is wonderful but demands so much attention! I love giving him the attention but sometimes it's nice to not have to give to anyone.
Ashley and myself are going for a viewing at our future wedding site next week.. so excited! I can't wait to see where we'll get married. It was a little slow to begin but my enthusiasm has really grown about the wedding and now I can't wait for it! I never thought I'd be so excited about a wedding but I really am. And... India, again! We can't wait to go as it's coming closer and closer to that two months away marker. That 'On no! We aren't prepared' point. They finally got smart and opened an Indian visa application office in Winnipeg and removed themselves a bit from the consulate general which makes the process so much easier and much much less official and silly.
Just a couple of pictures of me and family who I devote so much of my life to now and so proud to be a part of:
 
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| Ashley and myself went out to two movies in the last couple of days: Harry Potter and Moon. Most sources made a really big deal out of the new Harry Potter.. that it was Potter perfected and Rowling's dream finally realised on film. We just thought it was another Harry Potter movie.. I thought Hogwarts felt a lot less surreal and magical this time around. Moon was really good though... I liked a lot of the games it played with you and your assumptions.
I really like going on dates with Ashley, no matter where we go it's always a lot of fun and I always feel like we've just met, although it's a lot more comfortable than that, no butterflies or anything. It feels really good to show her off, that I have someone beautiful and that we love each other. i don't think that one should have to but I feel like it's a good remedy for my past. It's nice to get away from the baby sometimes because the presence of him can sometimes make things feel less vibrant and new. Babies sure are a challenge! We're both doing really good right now. Ashley has come across a really exceptional job opportunity which will help us out a lot in the future with our ambitions to get a nice two-story house, so long as everything flows in the right direction.
In short, things are good. I love being in love... and I found that song. Those songs you forget completely, in every way except the memory of the song and how it made you feel. I get so sad when I can't remember it and feel like I've lost something beyond measure, beyond time and I won't ever be able to get it back. It's nice when you can find it again and bring that whole world back in your own. This one took almost a year to find again, which is pretty long considering how hard I've been searching for it.
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| There's my James! Being a stay at home dad is a lot of work. We spend most of the day together, just us since Ashley has returned to work. He's a lot of work, especially when he's cranky and he only wants to cry. I've learned to differentiate his cries, there's the shrill and desperate 'I'm hungry!' cry, there's the the frustrated 'my gums hurt!' cry, and lastly the pitiful 'I'm bored!' cry that usually backfires because we just goggle over him admiring how cute it sounds. He is really ahead of the curve physically so far. He's been standing and walking with assistance since around the two month mark, he holds his bottle frequently, he's teething and he's been trying to communicate with us. It's just so cute when he tries to talk! Easily the cutest thing I've ever experienced, especially when he screams and giggles when I play the raspberry game with him.
 
Ashley and myself are doing good as well. It's a big challenge to raise a child (of course!) and it adds extra layers of challenge to our own relationship as he takes up so much time and energy and demands such a diehard commitment. It has really accelerated things and has showed us what it really takes to make it as a couple. I'm really optimistic though. Every day is so rewarding and it just feels so much more deeper and fulfilling when you put so much into someone else that you love more than anything else.
We went to Canada Day and it was really exciting, so much energy! I am so used to staying at home with James in near silence.. it was really overwhelming, but it set the stage for a really wonderful experience with Ashley. Finding the time for each other is so much harder with a child, but it really makes those rarer occasions that much more special. It was awesome to be able to kiss under fireworks with someone you really really love.
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| | Current Music: | Pati Yang - Underlegend | | Subject: | Beds | | Time: | 01:02 am |
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| I really think sex has a lot to do with people's long-term compatibility in a relationship. I never knew what a good sex life was in a relationship until I met Ashley. It wasn't always as good as it is now but we have always gotten along really well in bed, and it's always helped and anchored many aspects of our relationship. I don't know how or what influences this, (trust, love, attraction?) but I know it's certainly not universal, and some people do seem to stay together when they've never had a good sex life. I couldn't imagine that at all anymore. Sex is so integral to sharing and healing for us.
Went on a date with Ashley to Maxime's last night. I really liked what I had although 95% of the dishes contained meat and the pasta had a LOT of celery in it... who cuts up a whole celery stock to put in linguine pomodoro? It was really odd. We had some nice drinks though and Ashley really liked her honey raspberry salad. It was really romantic and the classical decor was great! Best of all the place is well-priced. I liked it and really liked my time with her and I love taking her out, especially to restaurants, although cooking for her means the most to me. I just love spending hours making something really good. It's like feeding someone love. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Madder Mortem - Cold Stone | | Subject: | Weddings | | Time: | 05:44 am |
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| We're getting married! We've finally set on a date - Oct 9 / 2010. I'm so excited! I didn't think I'd ever want to get married but since we've been doing so well and I love her so much that it's just come so naturally. It's really fun planning all of it, it's our big event together obviously.
We're going to probably have it at the studio in the exchange. They leave a lot of room for improvisation an self-catering so it really drew us to it. No contracts with caterers, djs or other vendors. You can do what you want and pay for what you want. Freedom is really important because I couldn't stand someone else running our wedding, playing music that we don't like and making food we don't believe in. We're thinking some sort of around the world cuisine/ceremony.. at least representing cultures that we're tied to and have experienced, taking elements of native american, indian and celtic traditions.
Right now it's just all of the budgeting and planning, deciding what we want to pay for and what we'd rather leave out. There is so much involved with a wedding! I always thought you just paid a couple thousand and it all sorted itself out... that's definitely not the case. If you want it for less you have to organize it yourself. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Le Loup - Outside of this Car, The End of the World! | | Subject: | Ferrets and Dreams | | Time: | 01:22 pm |
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| We have a new ferret! Her name is Maha Kali, Cosmic Destroyer - or Kali, for short.
She's a little skittish around the other two ferrets and mostly hisses and barks at them right now when they come near her (which is most of the time). She definitely didn't get too much attention or outside time with her previous 11 year-old owner, because she's very antisocial and shy. We'll have to change that!
Me and Ashley are getting married next year. We've decided that it's time with where we want to be and where we currently are. The date is October 9/2010. I never thought I'd love someone enough to marry them, but love is obviously way too powerful for thoughts and ideas. We're going to get a nice house, probably somewhere in Fort Rouge so long as Ashley finds a solid job after India (November). It's a little bit overwhelming... child, wife and house. We'd even be getting a dog, but I'm so happy with it. I've definitely "matured" and come a long way. For so long I sat at my parents dreaming and hoping but never acting. Now I have to try hard just to keep dreams buoyant.
The biggest help with this is Ashley - she helps keep me up when I'd otherwise fall down. She is so very helpful with so many things from day to day functioning in the real world to giving me the spiritual support I sometimes need. Her smile lights any darkness and keeps me radiant in the most difficult situations (there are plenty!). I think she makes the difference that I never had before, and why I'm so much stronger and more confident in myself. With her I can find the silence between the spaces - in another. I don't know many people who have been lucky to have found such an connection - I love you!
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| | Current Music: | Bat for Lashes - Horse and I | | Subject: | My Mango | | Time: | 01:28 pm |
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I thought this would post help everything come full circle on my journal, even if I don't really use it much anymore. For the longest time on live journal I was so lost.. so alone, until Ashley came along. It's been over three years now that we've been together and we are now engaged and have a child together. I never thought I'd meet someone like Ashley... I had resigned myself to believing that anyone worth anything would stay clear of me, and when the greatest person of all comes along I get her!
I feel everyone needs to know that Ashley is amazing. She's another quiet listener just like me, she finds beauty and wonder in mystery, she puts more weight in silence than noise and she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen! I feel so satisfied and fulfilled sharing all of my dreams with her together. There are relationships with and without substance, relationships where you don't go any deeper than sex or other superficial desires and they always end in separation and dissatisfaction. With Ashley I get everything, from the superficial to the deeply spiritual and it makes everything so very whole and satisfying. I could never imagine not being with her.
I love her, and I'm so very happy! I love you more than I've ever loved anything, mango! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I thought it was as good as time as any to update my livejournal as I've had a child with my fiance, Ashley.
His name is James Aiken McMullin (the fifth!) and he's absolutely wonderful. He mostly just sits around looking at space, flailing his arms and legs around making all sorts of silly sounds. Everything feels so good these days and very whole... I'm with an amazing person that I really love a lot and I finally have a child, things I've always wanted so much, so happy!
Picture:
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| | Current Music: | Seefeel - Time To Find Me (Come Inside) | | Time: | 03:55 am |
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| Little Worm: Rain rain rain...
Jamie me: Hello little worm.
Little Worm: Oh pleaseeee no... *squirm squirm*
Jamie me: Why do you scatter so..
Little Worm: Please not there... please not back there.
Jamie me: Why do you squirm back under the rocks worm?
Little Worm: No no no....
Jamie me: We don't have to be afraid, us people.. please tell us why you scatter so? Please? Maybe there's something we can do, please!? PLEASE!?
Jamie me: Please... why do you scatter so?.... Why do we scatter so?.... .... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Tobias Lilja - The Pyromaniac | | Time: | 12:21 pm |
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| I'm the pyromaniac of this town
I inhale the smoke
Watching it move
Silently
Outside of me
Inside of me
And it's making my lungs lose colour
But the fire makes the colours of the world look stronger
More intense
And the shadows are getting sharp, easy to spark
I can trace them... trace them with chalk
....And I inhale the smoke
I'm watching it move
Outside of me
Inside of me
It's making my lungs lose colour
But the fire makes the colours of the world look stronger
And the shadows are getting sharp
I can trace them with chalk
Leaving it all behind
Leave them... leave them all... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | The Field - Over The Ice | | Time: | 11:30 pm |
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| | Oh gosh.. falling and grasping. Why can't we just embrace it? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Helium Vola - Dies Irae | | Time: | 11:59 pm |
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| Oh no there's blocks! Helpp!!!!!!
AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh they can see me, they know which way I'm going to run, I'm not going to get away this time!!! I slept too long this time!!! I slept too long!!!!!!
The red ones are fastest... they can see inside me and know exactly where my vital organs are. The blue ones maybe you can ignore but they always sit in perpendicular angles to you and they are fixed like the shrieking stars!!!!
AND THE GREEN ONES... THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo | | comments: Leave a comment |
| "Once, the Buddha smiled... and by the wondrous radiance of that smile were countless worlds illuminated. But there came a voice saying, 'It is not real. It cannot last.' And the light passed."
-David Tibet | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Ohhhh I feel that wonderful feeling of beginnings... it all runs back to the memory of pre-school and I think at that time (if there was much of a time) the same feelings ran back to birth and the womb and the infinite before. Oh what a moment!
All feelings have images, and this one... oh gosh.. well one image right now is of light beams coming through windows and the feeling of the light, the connection with the light. So wonderful so joyous!
Happy beginnings to everyone on my livejournal! (Whoever you are!) | | comments: Leave a comment |
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